Everybody has/had that one teacher (or more, in my case) who arm themselves with the cliché lines every single lesson. For everybody’s amusement, and my therapy, I’ve compiled the ultimate favourites.
‘Right guys, this is really really important’ – Mentioned about 157 times a lesson, the teacher to use this line really values every single word he mentions. Usually used by teachers who have no control in order to get their students’ attention. Let’s use it in a sentence ‘Right guys, this is really really important, your coursework is due in 23453 days, better get a hurry on’. So yeah, usually it’s not an important or pressing matter when this sentence is used.
‘I’ll send you outside’ – Oh will you? And what is that going to achieve? Usually used by the teacher who has given up trying to control your every move, or has mistaken you for a dog. Pleasant. I thought it was the job of teachers to try and help you achieve the best grade possible, which is virtually impossible when you’re outside, unless these new young teachers can now see/speak/teach through walls. A student’s reply bound to wind them up ‘*Huge big smile* Do it! Please!’.
‘I’ve already got my GCSE’s/A-Levels’ – That’s nice, thanks for that information. Previous to this year it would have been easy to work out, considering you are a teacher, but now apparently no qualifications are needed for that. What a promising future we have. Now stop using cliché lines and hurry up and teach us so we can get out of this place.
‘It’s for your own good’ – What, so making us write lines is for our own good? I doubt it, it mostly gives us hand cramp and a bad case of teenage angst. Unless by writing ‘I will behave’ over 100 times I will unlock some sort of wisdom I previously didn’t have, then I’m probably going to be extremely disappointed and angry at you for lying.
‘When I was your age…’ – YES. WE GET IT. Things were different when you were young. Obviously. It was a different time. Things change. It’s time to now get over it.
‘I’ve got a really fun lesson planned today’ – Oh yes I’m sure it’s going to be fun. Especially when your idea of fun is singing the instructions to solve a simultaneous equation, or making a poem about colloquialisms. It sounds almost as fun as the time I stuck a pen in my eye.
‘It’s not my time your wasting, it’s yours’ – Well if we’re in your lesson, we’re not really wasting our time either, because we’re forced to be there. I’m sure if it wasn’t compulsory then pretty much the majority of us wouldn’t be here right now. Can’t you see that we are trying to waste our time on purpose because what you’re attempting to teach is quite frankly boring?
‘I’m not going to say this again’ – Don’t then.
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